Therefore, I was quite disappointed when the person I opened up to said “you don’t want to do that. It won’t be how you think it will be”.
I still recall that conversation, and I play it back to myself every few days. I used to be so consumed with controlling and planning my future, and I would leave very little room for uncertainty. Therefore when my attempt at reaching out and doing something different was challenged, I came very close to giving up that intention. Luckily the feeling in my gut wouldn’t go away and so I pursued it. I was desperate to make a difference, and to let go of my fear of uncertainty.
These days as my anxiety can take over at any moment I have to live with a certain buffer, and this means I have to embrace uncertainty. Rather than obsess over the little details I have evolved into living with a “things are working out perfectly just as they are” approach.
It's taken a few years for me to develop this acceptance, and it is something I am still working on improving. While it takes work, I know there are a few things I subscribe to that really help me. As I know how they have had a huge influence in my life, I thought I would share them in case they can help anyone else out there.
So here are my top 3 tips.
1 – Have a thought through plan B, but don't have a fully detailed plan C, D and E. Accept that you may need to shift a few things, but don’t obsess over every single possible tangent that a situation may lead to.
You only have a certain amount of energy, so investing some in a back up is great; however using all of it to create multiple back ups will leave you feeling so drained, and you will be unable to navigate any of the back ups should they be required.
2 – Get the facts, not the fiction. When you hear something you are often receiving it with a little bias attached. If the information has passed through a group of people you will have multiple levels of bias attached. You also always add your own piece of bias to what you see or hear. We can all get so caught up in something we have heard, only to then realize hours later that it wasn’t that bad, or it wasn’t even entirely true.
Again, invest your energy wisely. When someone says “did you hear…” ask where they heard it from, ask if they know it is for definite or if it is just a possibility, ask if they are even meant to know this information. Believe me, their answers to this will give you a fair idea as to whether what you are hearing is definite fact or not.
Not only is this a great time and energy saver, but it will also give more credibility to the things you do say. If you stop yourself from passing on any hearsay you will find that when you say something yourself it is given more gravitas. You will also find that once you question sources of hearsay, people will start to only come to you with facts.
3 – Prepare for the zombie apocalypse. Ok, don’t fully prepare, but make sure you know who you would have in your survival group. Create a tribe that you believe in and that serve you.
By surrounding people who support you and have faith in you, it increases the faith you have in yourself. When this happens you start to trust yourself and that in turn creates the confidence that you can handle whatever life throws at you.
(disclaimer – should a zombie apocalypse occur, I take no responsibility for telling you not to fully prepare)
Also, just to let you know, that person who said striving to do charity work wouldn’t be what I expected was totally right. I expected it to be largely thankless grafting as I tried to make some sort of tiny difference, and for it to be a somewhat limiting venture.
Instead as I type this I am drinking coffee and looking over Sunset Strip in West Hollywood. I came over to LA last week to be a part of a Depressed cake Shop pop up at a This is my Brave event, and I have spent the past 6 days working to raise awareness of mental health – while also raising funds for local mental health charities. I have been honored to have been grafting alongside some of the most inspiring and talented women in America, and I receive communication from people daily about the difference my work and my mental health blog makes to them.
I also know that this is just the beginning, and that there is a plethora of possibilities and opportunities that I couldn’t dream up even if I tried.
Yup, this is NOTHING like I thought it would be...
BuBakes is committed to reducing the stigma attached to Mental Health, and personally donates 25p for every order received to MIND. This is kindly matched by three generous supporters, meaning a £1 donation is made per order. If you would like to find out more about MIND, or make a donation you can do so here.