If I asked you what form would your Boggart take, would you have an immediate answer?  (For the muggles out there, a boggart is an amortal shape-shifting non-being that takes on the form of the viewer's worst fear.) Do spiders terrify you as they do Ron, or are you more like Neville with one of your old school teachers still giving you the heebie-jeebies if you so much as think of them?

​For me it’s the idea of public speaking. If there are more than a handful of people in a room I’m screwed. It doesn’t even have to be a long period of speaking - you know those occasions when you’re in a room and someone says “let’s just go around and briefly introduce ourselves”? Welcome to my nightmare...
 
Cue me spending the time before my turn trying to work out what to say; while feeling bad that my mind has completely switched off from listening to others, as I’ve gone into fight or flight mode.  Suddenly everyone is looking at me so I know it’s my turn. Usually I will blurt our something along the lines of “I’m Liz. I make cakes and trying to raise awareness of mental ill health, I guess I’m all about the cakes and crazy...” and then I’ll shrug. 
 
At this point I’ll get a few smiles - but I’m never sure if they are in sympathy for my clear discomfort, awkward grins for the fact I’ve used the word crazy, or relief fueled due to the fact I’m clearly not going to say anything else and they can move on.
 
One of the questions I’ve been encouraged to explore is “What’s the worst that can happen, really?”
 
Now, as someone who is hyper vigilant and encounters anxiety to sometimes crippling levels, this used to be the scariest question I could think of. Seriously, what’s the WORST thing that could happen, stick the kettle on as this is going to take a while...
 
Fortunately, I spent some time unpicking my beliefs and fears with the amazing Tracy Richardson.  Tracy is an absolute game changer, I cannot tell you how many times I would be sat in a room with her and suddenly everything would click into place. Pretty much every time I was with her I’d mutter at least once “Oh *@£%” as the sudden realisation of why I’d been doing certain things dawned on me.
 
One of the biggest things I have discovered through processing thoughts around what I have been scared of has been that in many ways I am like Harry. For me, one of the scariest things that I fear, is fear itself.

So, this realisation hasn’t made me stop fearing things, but it has made me more inquisitive about occasionally testing my fears and dipping my toe into the lake of “What’s the worst that can happen, really?”  It tends to be individual short bursts of bravery, like answering the phone (which spikes my anxiety SO much that I don’t think I’ve even spoken to my folks on the phone for years) but this Friday I am going for what I guess is more of a doggy paddle in that lake.

​At 7pm (GMT) I am so proud (and utterly terrified) that I am being interviewed by the amazing multi-faceted, multi award winning Rudy Caseres all the way from sunny LA for his show “No Restraints”.
 
Rudy has traveled The States working with organisations such as National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), Mental Health America, Project Semicolon, and the American Association of Suicidology. Last year he was awarded Outstanding Peer of the Year by NAMI California and chosen by the Mighty as one of their Mental Health Heroes of 2017!

Lastly, I’m fairly sure several Boggarts will be appearing between now and tomorrow evening, in attempt to scare me into giving in to my fear.  So, if you see or hear me at any point shouting “RIDDIKULUS” you will know why…
 
Have a fabulous day folks
 
Bu xx

I’d love to share more about Tracy Richardson, as I know from personal experience just how much she can help you to transform so many aspects of your life.  This tiny window of information is just the beginning, and you can find our more at positiveinmind

As an experienced therapist and coach who is currently joyfully immersed in studying for an MSc Applied Positive Psychology, Tracy has a firm belief that people are amazing! She feels strongly that people have an immense capacity for learning what makes them tick, and that they can use this knowledge in order to live a fulfilling and meaningful life. Tracy sees being part of this journey of discovery with her clients as a real privilege.
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Tracy is also one of the directors of Seahorse Education Partnerships, a not-for-profit positive education company dedicated to developing better mental health and wellbeing in schools. She and her colleagues have developed a mindfulness-based positive psychology programme for primary schools, Amazing Me, designed to give children the tools to understand themselves and to better negotiate life and any challenges they face. Amazing Me will be available from June 2018. For more information please contact tracy@seahorsed.com

It’s now been a year since I’ve published a blog about what’s going on in my mind. Over this time I’ve had lots of false starts, each time I’d start to write and then be overwhelmed with the thought “I really should get this one finished”.  It was when this statement entered my mind, I put my laptop down and stepped away. 

How many times a day do you use the word “should”? If you’re like me the answer will be too many to count.  In 2017 I was starting to question the engrained expectations I had of myself, and while it’s been a tad rocky at times (pausing to second guess a knee jerk reaction is bloody tough sometimes!) I think I’ve finally replaced the dreaded “should” with the far more exploratory “could”. 

So what? Why am I choosing this one word to break my proverbial blogging seal? 

Let me explain... 

That one word is so dictatorial, if any of these resonate with you it may be time to ask ourselves why... 

• I should lose weight 
• I should stay in touch with that person, even though they make me feel rubbish 
• I should put make up on/do my hair before I nip out 
• I should go to the gym today 
• I shouldn’t take time for “self care” unless everything else is done 
• I should do “self care” as it’s the done thing...
• I shouldn’t buy myself that coffee/lunch/chocolate bar 
• I should look up quick ways to a flatter stomach, as I go on holiday in a week 
• I should shave my legs before I go for a massage 
• I shouldn’t share that I’m proud of myself for something, in case people think I’m big headed 
• I should work over my contracted hours so my boss sees me as a hard worker 
• I should fit in with everyone
• I should stand out as unique 
• I shouldn’t express that something upsets me, in case it seems I’m nagging 
• I should just (wo)man up and get on with it
• When someone steps into my home I should say “excuse the mess”, even though I’ve been tidying manically for the past hour
• I should read this blog as Bu shared it and I want to appear supportive(!)

Ok, so those are just off the top of my head, I’m pretty sure you all have your own.  It’s these sort of things I’ve been trying to catch mid-thought, and each time I’ve asked myself why. Not in a defensive way, more in a quizzical sense.
Who has these expectations of us? In 2017 I discovered it was actually all me - I was telling myself all these things were essential structures for my life, purely because that’s what society has hinted at.    Even scarier was the fact that when I pointed this out to some close friends, they were the same. We have all been doing what we think we “should” even in reality no one is really paying attention, in fact we’re all too busy worrying about our own shit, I mean should. 

When we replace should with could we allow a story to begin. 

"I could go to the gym, or I could stay home and binge watch my favourite show for an hour.   Actually I think I want to go to the gym - I always feel so could after.  Yeah, I choose to do that...then I’ll catch half an hour of Pretty Little Liars (don’t judge folks!) later tonight!"

So, what’s the answer? 

I’m afraid I can’t cure it, but I can invite you to consider the above and spend a second thinking of the things you believe you “should” do. Perhaps then next time you’re about to pick up that duster/dumbbell or deprive yourself of that coffee/chapter, you could catch yourself and ask yourself why. 

You may be surprised at how many of the same things you still end up doing, but the change in mindset while doing them can be quite transformational.

Trust me, I’ve LOVED the feeling of writing again now that I’m doing it without obligation - did I mention I’ve been doing so while on the cross trainer at the gym? Oh yeah, I rejoined in December after a year away, solely because I wanted to! ❤️