If someone had asked me 6 months ago what my thoughts on anxiety were, I’m not sure I would have had many opinions to voice.  I guess I thought it was someone being more worried than usual, and that they were likely to avoid situations that made them feel uneasy.  

If someone were to ask me about it now, I still don’t know quite what I’d say; but that’s because I have been battling with anxiety disorder since April.  

This may be news to a lot of my friends or family who read this (if they do in fact read my blog – what a great way to find out if they do!) as I have kept it largely to myself while trying to work what my anxiety is is all about and how I can control it.  I think I may have worried that people may not know about anxiety, and therefore I haven’t known how to speak to them about it.

Due to this I want to take a few steps to try and communicate about it with people, but not in a preachy way – I want to approach it in a way that actually helps; and think raising awareness about aspects of anxiety in a ‘real’ way is key.

For today I thought I would attempt to describe how feeling edgy and anxious can affect breathing.  It’s one of the main signs of anxiety, and I’m eager to try and explain how it feels to those who have not experienced it.   

So, uneasy breathing…

For those of you who are athletic, think of that feeling when you can’t quite get your breathing right (normally at the beginning of a run) and you are totally aware of the fact.  

You know that you know how to breathe, and you know that you should be able to do so naturally, so why on this occasion won’t it fall into timing.  You try adjusting your stride length or the tempo of your music but it doesn’t help. 

Got that image and recall how frustrating it is? Well that is the feeling – only those moments where your breath catches in your throats can affect someone who is anxious at any time, even when they are sitting down with a cuppa.

Maybe you’re not athletic?  Ok, cast your mind back to a time when you have been faced with lots and lots stairs, or are having to rush along.  You are very aware you’re your fitness is being tested and you can’t breathe properly.  The problem is that you don’t want anyone else to know that you are struggling and so you try to hide the fact, all the time you are getting warmer and warmer… 

If you’re lucky that will be as bad as it gets, but imagine at that point someone starts talking to you, - so you have to try to have a conversation, all the time trying to appear calm but inside wondering when you can gasp for air?  You are conscious of the burning sensation, and the fact that no matter what you do you can’t pretend that everything is “a-ok”... 

If you can cast your mind to those feelings of not being able to inhale enough while trying to subtly gulp as much air as you can, and then add to that the feeling of someone having their hands around your throat while standing on your chest (a very agile someone, it seems!) then you are getting close to how it feels for someone struggling with breathing due to anxiety.  Combine it with a emotions that may include desperation, shame and frustration, and you are there.

The problem with being in this situation (other than the obvious) is that the more you are aware of breathing being an issue the worse it becomes, and the more your breath catches.  Also unlike the other situations, sitting down and taking some time doesn’t automatically rectify the situation.  

What can you do if this is affecting you, or someone you are with?   

Understanding why it happens and escalates does really help.  The slightly ironic thing in this case is the fact that you feel like you can’t inhale but that largely due to the fact that you’re probably not exhaling.  

When you are inhaling in short sharp breaths you can’t suddenly take a deep breath without first exhaling a long breath – go ahead and try it, the attempt at a large in breath will stick in your throat.  

Also when you breathe in a short sharp manner you get chest pain and heaviness due to the stress you have placed on your muscles in your chest (its common to feel like you are having heart problems in a panic attack, but the pain is your chest, not your heart).  

The lack of deep breaths can make you lightheaded and dizzy, it increases your heart rate.   Different people are affected to different levels, if my anxiety turns into a full panic attack I I also get numbness in my hands.  All of these symptoms are scary and can start a downward spiral of panic.  This is why I feel it is important to understand why they are happening, as at least then they are slightly less alarming (only slightly).

So there you have it, I guess my closing point for this post is just to say remember to exhale – I know it’s the opposite of what instincts may say, but I promise it really does help.

If you’ve made it this far then thanks for reading.  I hope that the post has been useful in some way for you even if it’s just slightly increasing awareness or understanding.  

All the very best to everyone 

Bu x

On Friday it was Mr. BuBakes' birthday and so it was a great opportunity for me to try out one of the (many) cakes I have been aching to make for a while. 

You may have seen a picture of this cake doing the rounds lately on all sorts of social media site and blogs:

I think it makes everyone smile - probably due to the cheekiness of the piggies' behinds poking out from the 'mud', it also looks (in my opinion) positively scrummy!

So on Friday I set about to create my BuBakes version of this.  

I had made my fondant pigs a few weeks before to ensure they dried out, unfortunately I forgot to take photos of this stage, but I will make some again soon and ensure I post the pictures.  When making fondant decorations in advance I sit them in a clean, thick cardboard box on greaseproof paper.  I then leave this in a cool place.  It allows the pieces to dry out while protecting them and keeping them clean and safe. 

On Friday morning started with my chocolate cake recipe to make two cakes.  I think you could probably make it with different flavoured cakes, but I felt that there was so much chocolate elsewhere on the cake that a contrasting flavour may clash a little.   Plus chocolate with chocolate orange frosting, and chocolate orange ganache, is a sure fire winner!

I sandwiched the two together and coated the outside of the cake with lashings of chocolate orange frosting. To this frosting I stuck the KitKats to form the barrel shape, I'd recommend doing this in a cool room, as I found that pressing the KitKats against the cake left fingermarks on the KitKats as it got warmer - I tried to make sure I only pressed where I knew the ribbon would sit.  

Then it was time for the fun part - making the ganache.  

Ganache seems scary to so many people, but as long as you understand the nature of the ingredients and the temperature it really doesn't need to be too scary.

First I decided that I wanted a thick ganache that would pour thickly and then set, so I opted for the 1:1 ratio.  This meant I needed exactly the same weight of cream and chocolate.  I cut up the chocolate very small to help the melting process, and then started to heat the cream.

The cream only needs to get to the point of steaming, not boiling, and should then be poured over the chocolate in a separate vessel.  It should be left for a minute and then gently stirred.  Be careful not to stir it too much as you will incorporate bubbles into the ganache which are difficult to get rid of.  Also do not put this mixture back on the heat.  

If you do have bubbles in your ganache bang (or tap!) the bowl/jug on the side to help the bubbles rise to the top.   You will be left with a lovely creamy shiny mixture (that smells divine!)

Next comes the trickiest bit, waiting...  

You will want to keep checking to see how set the ganache is, but you really have to hold back.  You may also (if you are anything like me) want to pour the ganache onto your cake as you will have everything ready and waiting, however once again restraint is key.  If you pour before the ganache is thick enough it will slip between the KitKats and you won't get the sharp effect you are no doubt hoping for.

After about 30 seconds you can place your piggies into the ganache and they will happily sit in place.  This is another reason that you need to wait for the ganache to thicken, as if it is too thin your pigs will sink - which nobody wants! 

I found at this point that my 'sitting pig' was starting to lean backwards so I rested a skewer on the barrel to help him prop up while the chocolate set around him. 

As you can see I have tied a ribbon around the barrel at this stage.  Not only does this look cute, but it also covers the KitKat print, and most importantly it holds the KitKats in place as the cake sets.  I love the way it means you can change the colour or print of the ribbon to personalize the cake a little too, to suit the recipient. 

The cake was then moved to my cake show area (where people get to view their cake when picking up from me) and there it stood happily until it was time to present it to Mr. BuBakes.  

Mr. BuBakes loved the cake, and one of the best things about it was that it being his cake I actually got to have a slice of one of my creations!  Now I know I'm biased but it was rather tasty...

A couple of discoveries when we actually went to use this cake - there isn't a particularly great or stable place to put a candle; but on the flip side, the KitKats give a great bit of guidance for where to slice for even pieces. 

 I have seen some of these cakes using Chocolate fingers too; I think that may be next on the list to try... Or maybe Matchmakers... Or Micado... Any other suggestions?!

I'm off to steal another slice and have it with a cuppa, if there are any parts of this that I have left out or aren't clear then do just give me a shout and I'll be happy to help.   

Thanks for reading everyone! 

Bu x 

Do you ever have those moments when you don't feel motivated, but you remember feeling motivated, and you wish you could be motivated to feel motivated again?  I hope you have a flicker of recognition at the idea of that, as it would mean that it's not just me, and I'm not going crazy!

Well, it's Wednesday, and it's the week after a four day week.  I don't know about you but I feel like it should be Friday evening already.  I need that motivation and oomph back please...

So what is it that can be done to get back in the zone? Is there an easy fix?  If you know of it do let me know, as I think we could bottle it and make a fortune.  Until then, these are the tips I use.  Usually one of them (or a combinations of a few) is enough to give me that shove.  I hope they may do the same for you...

- Have a focus - often I feel overwhelmed and that is what leads to my demotivation.  If there are too many things to focus on none of them seem to have enough importance to be completed.  It's better to do one job whole arsed, than two jobs half arsed...

- Take it a step at a time.  Do you have a room you want to clear out but you can't handle the idea of starting it as it will take forever?  It won;t take forever.  Do one shelf, one cupboard.  Commit to a baby step each day and you will get there.  Your goal can be made up of lots of little goals.

- Think about the benefits after you complete a task, not the difficulties you may have in tackling it.  Write them down, post them somewhere visible.  Be strict with yourself and treat those benefits as your mantra.  Keep reminding yourself and the benefits will feel stronger and you will be pulled towards them.

- Bottle your motivation - plan ahead!  Do you know you will have motivation peaks and ebbs?  See if you can top up in advance for when you have an ebb.  For example, do you batch cook at weekends to save time/money in the week, but sometimes you just don't have the energy? Next time you are in the zone cook double the amount.  A buffer if you will, so that you can get away with it next time you have a slump.  

- Try not to let yourself get demotivated.  It can be like a spiral, and we often know that we are heading downward and towards a grey patch.  Next time you feel that niggle remind yourself  "If I am fed up with starting over I have to stop giving up!"

- Get off the computer (unless you are reading this blog at the time!) and get outside. Even if just for 5 minutes.  Get out there for an aimless wander around.  Not only will the fresh air do you good, but when you return to a task the break from it will have given you a chance to refocus.

Do you have any tricks you use to get re-motivated?   The more we share, the more we may find that work for us!

Have a great and productive day/morning/afternoon/evening all, I'm off to grab a very large coffee - Bu x