​When trying to get to know ourselves (and ultimately to love ourselves) we need to tune into what resonates with us.   Finding the connection to who we really are can seem rather alien; after all we grow up learning to focus on others, to be kind, considerate, and not selfish.  Due to this we spend so much time, energy and resources building connection with others, that we can totally lose (if we ever had) the connection with ourselves. 
 
One of the loveliest ways to develop this connection is to create joy for yourself. Yes, it can feel indulgent and various clunky thoughts can occur that make us want to resist the idea.  We feel guilt, we wonder if we’re being selfish - that little voice in our brain starts to challenge who we think we are, daring to explore what makes us happy without anyone else in mind.  
 
We’ll touch on those challenging aspects over the next week, but for today I just want you to think about lovely, warm fuzzy feelings.  What makes you happy?
 
It’s time to discover what fills you up… 
 
I’m not talking about the everyday nice stuff, I’m talking about finding something that makes your cheeks ache from grinning.  Something that you think about and you physically feel your heart lift.  That thing that when you experience it, you truly believe “life’s really alright you know… this is what it’s all about”. 

​​If you have no idea what creates this feeling within you, then you have the best adventure of them all - you get to explore!   
 
Not sure how? 

• Reflecting on your day is a great place to start

Just spending a couple of minutes each evening to consider what lifted you throughout the day, may give you an inkling of the area in which you can find your joy.  Noting down a few things that made you smile each day will not only allow you to see patterns, but it will also encourage you to do more of that good stuff. 

• Be honest, go on, admit what it is that you would LOVE to try… 

 
Most of us have something that we think about and an “I wish” comes into our minds.  Whenever I used to watch Strictly, I would get a real kick out of seeing how happy it made people.  I’d get shivers, and I put this down to me enjoying watching it. This year, Mr. BuBakes and I decided to try something new and so we joined a beginner’s dance class. Now every Thursday evening my cheeks ache from grinning from start to finish.  I may not be overly talented at it, but dancing fills me up.  
 
What’s that thing that you would love to try if you could remove any self-doubt about your ability, or concerns that you “left it too late”? 

• Get inspired

 
Ask people what lights them up, find out what it feels like for them to be lost in something that brings them joy.  Not only will this encourage you to keep trying new things until you discover your own elixir of life, but they may just mention something that makes you feel that it could be the thing for you. 

• ​Above all, play with this.  It’s fun! 

Channel your inner child, that young mind that didn’t know everything and would try things purely because they were there to try.  Don’t assume that you have to have the answers, or that it’s too late in life to do this exploration.  After all, you are never again going to be as young as you are today. 
 
One warning though, happiness breeds happiness…  An amazing thing is that within ourselves we truly do reap what we sow. If we have moments of pure joy this will ripple into other areas of our life. We want more of the amazing feelings it brings and without realising it we will seek the good in more places around us.  Life may start to become that little bit more rosy, so be prepared to start smiling at things you’d never really noticed before. 

Do you know what really brings you joy? Pure joy, just for you? If so, do let us know in the comments below.  It would be great to share ideas, and you never know who may get some inspiration from your experience. 
 
Until next time, 
Bu xx 
​

“Be authentically you”.    What does this mean to you?  
 
When I had my implosion in 2014 these became 3 of the most loaded words in my life.  I despised myself, in my eyes I was failing left, right and centre; so, the idea of embracing the true “me” was ludicrous. 
 
I’d dedicated decades to making up for what I felt were the failures of my younger self. I blamed her for starting a cycle of failure, humiliation and a LOT of shame; so, there was no way I wanted to go back to channeling that little girl in an attempt to discover who she really was and who I’ve been suppressing all this time. 
 
I’d be willing to put money on the fact that pretty much everyone has heard the anthem “This Is Me” from The Greatest Showman.  I’m also guessing most of you have felt a little bit of a swagger as you’ve listened to it. We all know that little inner narrative that pops up when it comes on… “Yeah, this is ME. Take me as I am world, I’m proud of being true to myself and I’m not afraid to sing at the top of my lungs” (or mouth along with feeling, if you’re listening in a public space!) 

I'll make it clear now - ​I only know my own story, what has worked for me, and what has been appropriate for me given my circumstances at various stages. In essence I guess this blog post is all about ME - a tad ironic given the subject matter! 
 
However, a lot of my experience over the past 5 years has been influenced by health professionals, trained individuals, and a lotof trial and error. Therefore, my plan is to share some of the ways that I evolved, in the hope that some bits may be useful for others. 
 
Some may not resonate with you, some may be a bit woo-woo for some of you, and of course I can only share how I’ve processed things in my mind. However, as is always the case with my mental health writing, I figure that if one thing helps one person then it’s worth it. 
 
I’ll be posting throughout the month (after all, in this month of lurve, who better to love than yourself?) so do check back in for a number of posts all intended to help in different ways.  Some will contain tips, tasks to try and suggestions that I invite you to at least consider. Some will be reflections, challenges that arose (and still arise) for me, and some will have honest examples of what I’ve discovered (about myself and others...) - it’s not always been pretty! 
 
As always, sharing is caring. If you know someone who has lost their identity, who deserves to love themselves in the way you love them, or even just may be interested then do please invite them along on the journey. 

​Until next time... 
 
I am who I'm meant to be, this is me
Look out 'cause here I come
And I'm marching on to the beat I drum
I'm not scared to be seen
I make no apologies, this is me
 
Bu xx